Ponderings on the Purpose of Pain: a word by Jessica O.

Pain, an all too familiar feeling. Loss, disappointment, hurt…

I wrestle with waves of hurt that feel so overwhelming and curl up in Jesus’ arms crying. He asks me, “Was it worth it?” 

I look into His eyes through my tears and see His sweet, gentle smile and feel His warm embrace and smell His familiar smell. I feel my body relax into His chest between the quivering and tensing of my muscles as the emotions hit like waves. I find my words and the response is, “Yes, it was worth it.” I had dared to dream and dream will all my heart. I did not hold back, and I know that was good. He does not shield us from the pain, but He always holds us through it. Pain is a good thing…in that it has a purpose. The pain is a doorway into deeper intimacy with Jesus because He understands it. Pain brings growth, and pain is an indicator of life. 

As I wrestle with the hurt of daring to dream again only to have it crushed, I tell Him I need to take a break from dreaming to heal. I can’t bare to dream my dreams anymore or at least for now… but I will dream my sons dreams with him, because I know to dream is to live.

Jesus smiles at me with His all-knowing smile and then says, “My child you say you are done dreaming, but something that is dead can’t hurt.” I ponder this. Then He says, “You have been watering that seed all along, you thought you had stopped hoping and dreaming, but you were watering it all along.” Finally, He adds as He leans in close and whispers in my ear, “You can carry your sons dreams, and I will carry your dreams. You don’t have to do anything, just rest, heal and let Me hold you.”